


Technoblade Neva' Dies

by Myers_Wife



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Historical, How Do I Tag, Immortal Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Immortality, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Web Series: Tales from the SMP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myers_Wife/pseuds/Myers_Wife
Summary: So Technoblade never dies, right?What if we took that to the extreme.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 132





	1. The birth of...things

**Author's Note:**

> HEYOOOo This is my first..fic.. thing. SO yeah, hope you enjoy! (please don't fact check this stuff)

He was born surrounded by darkness. Is that what this was? Birth? How could one be born when birth doesn't exist? Either way, he was...well...there. There, yet not there. So with the void surrounding him, no form to call his own, he waited. Waited for what exactly? 

The first movement. 

Time passed, time passed to the point that time finally existed. That was when he witnessed reality emerge. 

A flash of light, the beginning of the beginning. 

The light attracted...things. This continued until one big bright...thing was created. He didn’t bother himself to name it. Humanity will probably do the job for him at some point. Wait. Humanity? What a bizarre thought. 

More of this newly found time passed. Now there are more of these bright things, lighting up the familiar darkness. Smaller, less bright things were being drawn in by the bright lights. This caused him to move as well. For the first time, he gained a physical form. Of which is now being dragged at very high speeds towards the nearest...rock. He decided to finally name at least something, this was starting to get exhausting. 

Fast forward a few billion years. 

This rock now had something that he liked to call “life”. It’s strange, how a single liquid could bring such...well he hadn’t come up with a specific word for these things yet. They’ll probably be important later on. Although they are strange, this is much better than the time stuck in either incredible heat or freezing cold. He’s been coming up with lots of things lately, especially since he gained his physical form. He still hasn’t come up with a name for himself yet, figuring that he’ll have plenty of time to do so. Thus that is where he stayed, watching as this “life” began to grow, evolve, he later called it. 

As he roams the new world, he begins to finally question the things around him. Such as, who had given him this body, and why did nothing around him look like...well...himself? As he ponders this another time since the new light, he looks up, having heard a particular sound that was new. Before him, he saw...something. Or rather, someone. 

Here he witnessed the birth of mankind. 

Little did he know how they were gonna shake things up. 

Fast forward a few thousand years. 

Mankind was starting to get established. Each new human exploring life around them as if it was the greatest thing since sliced fruit. But as much as they loved to explore, they loved to argue. Technoblade came to the conclusion that they aren’t exactly the brightest. Yup. Technoblade. That is the name he was given, although hardly ever used. On the battlefield he was only known as “The Blade,” nicknamed for his “godlike” prowess with said weapon. He had witnessed too many bloodied hills, seen too many empires fall, to bother with changing his name. 

The people around him didn’t seem to notice that he never aged, never celebrated a “birthday”, never died. Or if they did, they would praise him for it, singing dissonant chants when he passes by. 

He no longer tried to create bonds with them. They all died the same. Theseus, Liu Bei, Alexander- It was easier to forget them. The voices had other plans though. They had recently arrived, slowly at first, but quickly escalating into constant noise within his head. He thinks this is his punishment for living when the others had not. Sometimes he can hear their voices among them. They also have a nickname, Chat, short for chatter. He found the name quite fitting, as the chorus of voices wouldn’t shut the fuck up. 

And that was where he hovered, constant fighting, constant death, for years on end. One would have thought the humans would have grown bored of it already. That left Technoblade to be tired enough for the whole of them. 

That is, until something changed. He didn’t know how he knew, but something on this planet shifted. He followed the source of the disturbance, bringing him to a certain western town, in a place he hadn’t yet thoroughly explored. 

He started out small, knocking on the door to the pub in the center of town.


	2. What the fuck is the Wild West?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KUDOS! It really means a lot! I don't really know how I feel about this chapter but I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> ALSO All caps text is Chat!

He opened the door and was immediately met with chaos. Three men were standing on the counter, seemingly being the ones who are causing the ruckus. He dared call them “men” simply from their assumed age, Techno had already determined they have the mindset of children from his first glance. Especially since one is dressed like a blue hedgehog. Technoblade hasn’t been in this area in a while but he can assume from the obnoxious yelling what is going on exactly. 

“I’ll take yer finest liquor and my money!”

“Yeah liquor! Hoooooowe!”

“Don’t forget that check!”

...Yeah. Why did he come here again? 

JOIN THEM JOIN THEM JOIN THEM

NO NO HELP THE BARTENDER

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD-

Wait, bartender? Technoblade lowered his eyes to see the cowering barkeep behind the counter. He was very obviously underage. How had he even gotten this job? As Techno surveys the rest of the situation he sees someone else there with them, trying to get the three bandits to leave. 

The closer Technoblade looks the stranger this man gets. His outfit is certainly not suited for the place, all bright colors that practically scream “HERE! PICK ME!” There was definitely something off about him, but Techno decided to push that investigation to the back of his brain. He has more important matters to attend to. 

He made himself known by simply clearing his throat. As the rest of the party took notice, Techno braced himself for the familiar stares of fear or blind devotion. But none came. As they took in his strong stature from his centuries of combat, all he got were glares and eyes of confusion as if they had seen him before. 

“Hey Sheriff, you lookin’ kind of uhh...younger?” Said surprisingly the barkeep, who had peeked his head over the edge of the counter. 

“Sheriff? That’s obviously the bitch on all those wanted posters! Who you talkin’ ‘Sheriff’ you bald dick sack!” Bantered one of the bandits in a strong accent. He was most likely their makeshift leader, talking for the rest of them. 

However, both of these accusations simply left Technoblade confused, as he was quite obviously neither. 

“ I uh..I actually have no idea who you guys are talkin’ about.” Said Techno, wanting to get off of this subject. He was met with eyes of confusion from all except for the colorful one, who then took this silence as his chance to finally be rid of the hooligans. 

“Anyways! You bandits get on out of here! We have- We have guns! Yeah, guns! And we’ll shoot ya! Now get on out you Democrat Haters!” He yelled, puffing out his chest to seem more intimidating. The effect didn’t really work since he was one of the shortest there. This also didn’t really mix well with the fact that his voice had cracked every five words. 

Little did he know that Techno had snuck to stand by his side, thus being the real reason for why the bandits finally left. Once they no longer heard the sound of horse hooves, the two besides Technoblade let out a synchronized breath.

Once he composed himself, the strange one turned back to Technoblade and the barkeep. Introductions were made, turns out the “saviors” name was Karl, and the barkeep who insisted he was an adult was named John. John John to be exact. Technoblade was grateful that he hasn’t made a big impact on this generation yet. He didn’t think he would be able to handle all the ogling for the time he was here. 

Deeming this place as no longer useful, Techno was turning towards the door to continue his search. He wasn’t willing to wait and see what whatever is out there has in store for this world. 

WHAT IF IT'S A DRAGON?

WHAT THE FUCK IS A DRAGON-

DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON-

“Hey wait there partner!” 

The voice that belonged to Karl cut through his thoughts. He halted as he was just about to open back up the door. 

“You gonna help us get rid of these bandits once and for all? We could really use your...uh...everything!” 

HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

DID HE REALLY JUST SAY "YOUR EVERYTH-

He sighed, already feeling a headache coming on. He regrets ever letting Chat have such control over what he did. 

“Fine. But under one condition.” He finally said, turning back around to face the two. 

“Of course sure! What is it?” Stammered the barkeep, already over eager to finally get rid of the bandits. 

“We get this done as quickly as possible. I have other means to attend to after this.” Technoblade stated, now facing them head on. 

“Deal.” Said Karl, reaching out his hand to shake on it. 

Techno reached his own hand out. “Deal.”

With that, the three of them made their way out of the saloon to gather more questionable members for their miniature revolution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And don't worry, Technoblade will at some point be able to truly have the Jack Kanoff experience. Anyways, Kudos are always appreciated! And thank you to my friends that I'm forcing to read these before hand!


	3. ANNOUNCEMENT AND CHANGE OF PLANS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT

Hey guys! Just a quick little heads up! 

I'm very glad that so many of you are enjoying this story so far! I plan on seeing this through the end! 

However I am a full time highschool student, so some days I might not find the time to update.

I will make sure though to not keep you guys waiting a full month- 

Anyways, yeah! 

You should have the 3rd chapter by the end of the week, thank you so much!

I FORGOT TO SAY THIS WAIT  
My motivation is INCREDIBLY spotty, so when I say I will post at a certain time there’s like a 50% chance I will actually do that. Sorry! But yeah.


	4. Is Bringing a Cannibal a Good Idea?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter since I wanted to post something, next one will most likely be longer and take longer so yeah!

The sound of shoes crunching against the dry dirt and bickering filled Techno’s ears as they made their way through the town. They had already recruited one resident of this ghost town, the bank teller. Said bankteller’s name was Percy, but Technoblade didn’t bother to learn much else about him. 

John however has apparently had multiple run-ins with him, which makes sense since they make up half of the towns’ population. 

Before this they had checked the church to see if the priest was willing to help, but when they got there he was gone. Technoblade didn’t think much of it, humans tend to get lost or simply spontaneously die. Very early on in his life he exempted himself from the broad term “human”. What human has seen the birth of their planet? Anyways back to the present. 

THIS IS TAKING SO LONG

ARE WE THERE YET?

“Hey, so how long ‘till we get to the sheriff's office?”

John, looking grateful for getting out of another argument with Percy, answered Techno’s question, “We’re right there actually!” He said as we stopped in front of a building. 

Techno now saw why he was mistaken as the sheriff. He was merely a spitting image of him, down to the eye color. However the Sheriff looked far older, Techno was sure he had surpassed his lifetime over tenfold. Coincidently there was also one of those WANTED posters that the bandit was talking about. The man on there looked awfully like him as well. 

Technoblade was starting to take back the thought that he was unique. 

Karl did most of the talking, initiating introductions and explaining our plan to the cop. The cops name turned out to be Sherman Thompson, and he made sure everyone knew he was one week away from retirement. Sherman agreed to help us, including some much needed target practice. 

“You sure you guys need all the help you can get?” Asked Sherman, from which Karl immediately replied with,

“Yes! The more the merrier!”

“Well in that case we could get good ol’ Crops to help us out as well.” Said the sheriff, gesturing to the inmate next to us. Crops was standing in the corner of his cell, so the party couldn’t get a good look at him. 

Karl peered into the cell. “So uh, what is he in here for?” 

“Cannibalism.” The Sheriff seemed far too calm about the subject. “I usually let him have his three hour break right about now so it would be good to have him stretch his legs.” 

At that Crops finally turned his head to look at the newcomers. In his hands there was- wait is that a skull? 

John looked like he might faint. “Well now we know what happened to the priest…” 

Crops’ voice was terrifyingly deep when he said, “You...smell good.” 

The sheriff clapped his hands together. “So! We takin’ him?”

Karl looked outright shocked. “Would it really be the best idea to take a cannibal with us?”

“Well I can’t see how it’s a bad idea.” 

“Fair point.”

With that Crops was let free of his confines and joined the growing party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments fuel my life force.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! If you could comment that would be AWESOME there will be more chapters to come!


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